What Shachi Does When He Feels Like Being Left Out
by herfrostyx
Summary: There's Kid and Law, and there's Killer and Penguin. But what is the silly, happy whale of the hearts doing when both of his crewmate is stolen by Kid Pirates? (updated)


_Special thanks for leenahanwoo for inspiring me with the kilguin talks, Ed for betaing (and did a very adorbs job on it)_

 _and special thanks for ramesari for drawing me an art of this story :D_

Hi, my name is Shachi.

Yes, Shachi. A whale. Don't laugh. Don't ask. Because you won't see me asking what your parents were thinking by giving you weird name, even if your name means Potato Starch, but that was mainly because your mom is a yonko, and you probably have a bounty exceeding one billion yourself. I won't draw an enemy so strong near my captain or my crewmate - even though I know that they can deal with it. We're pretty strong. Our captain is the best, and even after so many years following him, he's only getting better and stronger every day. The bounty doesn't even show half of his strength, if anything, I think it's a huge insult to him.

Anyway , Since it's been two days since the Kid Pirates docked near us, I really have nothing to do today. Like… Nothing . Nothing, nothing. I have done everything twice; checking Captain's medical kits, checking the submarine's machines even though I'm not the mechanic (with some of the Kid Pirates. What the hell), cleaning the deck, and even teasing Bepo about the summer island heat. Roaming the island seems wrong at this time, especially since captain doesn't like to pass by us when he's walking with a certain redhead that leads the group of pirates docked near us. Ugh. That Eustass Kid is just ugh, because when he's around, not only do I lose my captain to that red headed brute, but I also lose my best friend to his blond first mate. Yes, for you who take it as news, my best friend, the guy with Penguin cap who is usually as fun as me, is suddenly a smitten, blushing virgin when he's with the blond.

I don't even know what the hell is going on. We were so happy teasing and seducing girls on the island, and suddenly, when the blond shows up, Peng just suddenly got all quiet and that's when I knew. I just knew, because we have been friends since God knows when. I swear we're supposed to be twins, and since the metal faced, motherly bodybuilder got here, there goes our fun grand plan to "swim by day, pub crawl by night". I know, it sucks right? Sure I can be fine on my own, but we're supposed to be twins , and it's not like that I'm good at planning at the last minute. Or planning at all. That's captain's specialty.

Where was I again? Aha. Since it's been two days and I have nothing else to do (I am a very active guy so sleeping is not an option), I decided to comb my hair, adjust my hat in a more proper position, and force Bepo to wear a clear lens glasses because I knew that he's also as bored as me, now that Captain has been kidnapped by stupid Eustass Kid. This time we won't just let those thieves be. We will take back what's ours. How, you ask? By being the better, more intelligent version of me.

"Massacre Soldier-san, Penguin guy-san, Casquette and Teddy from the gossip section of Pirates Weekly," I approach the two figures in a rushing, pressing tone that managed to make both of them turn away from each other. Yes- No more of that lovey dovey stare. What the heck was even with those two? They're pirates for heaven's sake. Aren't they ashamed with themselves? That guy has Killer for a name!

"Shachi, what are you doing?" Penguin asked, clearly annoyed.

"I'm here because rumour has it that you are together now, following the Heart and Kid Pirates Captain alliance that has now reached the ' bedroom level '? Is that true?" I asked again, pretending to write while I only put repetitive squiggles in my notebook. Behind me, Bepo was pretending to snap pictures like a paparazzi would do. Except, what he used was not a real camera because neither of us knew how to use the damn thing. We asked one of the Kid Pirates to create a flashing thing and apparently, they can be pretty handy if they're not too busy trying to look like punks.

" Bedroom level ," Killer huffed, sounding slightly amused.

"Shachi, get the hell out of here," Penguin repeated, trying to shove me away but I managed to dodge and put my full attention to Killer instead.

"Massacre soldier-san, is that true that you were the one that wooed Penguin? Anonymous sources state that you cornered Penguin against the wall and kissed him while he pointed his spear at you. Is that true?"

At that, Penguin blushed heavily and Killer shifted. I was a bit afraid that he might pull out the scythes and cut me into tiny pieces but that's Captain's privilege so I won't let him do it. Besides, if he's so smitten with my friend, he wouldn't do that right? Right?

"Who said that?" Killer asked.

"To protect the safety of our sources they must remain anonymous," I said again, in a more urgent tone. "Massacre Soldier-san, assuming that it is true, what made you do that? Was it because the heat of the battle? Or was it because you managed to see a glimpse of the fat Penguin ass he hides under that jumpsuit?"

"SHACHI!" now Penguin tried to grab me, but I managed to dodge.

"Massacre Soldier-san? Any thoughts?" I yelled, while Bepo tried to hold Penguin with both hands, the fake camera be damned. I can tell from the bear's face that he's also amused with the whole scenario, even though I doubt that he understood my innuendos. Polar bears are weird.

"Also, from another anonymous source in other island, I heard that you're easily provoked into violence? Is that how you find your sexual drive? Do you usually end up banging your opponents? Some of our readers are dead curious. Care to share?"

Judging by how hard Penguin blushed, I'm pretty sure that blood will soon leak out of the surface of his face. He's still struggling against Bepo's clutches, but I'm pretty sure that he will get away soon. However, despite the blushing flightless bird's resistance, Killer was staying calm and somehow not being provoked by me. That's good and bad. Good , because even though I'm glad that I don't have to fight him, I'm kinda disappointed that he doesn't take my bait. I guess if you're a first mate to a captain like Eustass Kid, you have no other option than to have some brain power about you to cover what he's lacking.

"Well, is that how you see Penguin? The heat-of-the-fight-prey?"

"OH, THAT'S IT YOU…"

Anger had finally given Penguin the power to get free of Bepo's bear hug, and he charged towards me (probably with the intention to kill me or at least put me on verge of death). Luckily, before he could reach me, Killer managed to get hold of him in a hug from behind, and I swear he was bleeding from his nose. Pervert.

"What can I say, he's cute in the middle of the fight," Killer smiled as his arms rose to Peng's chest, hugging him in a more… affectionate way. "And, whoever your anonymous source is, they're right. I cornered him into a kiss so that he wouldn't get away. It took quite a good technique and a lot of tongue work to convince him of my feelings."

Killer ended that sentence with a heavier, almost seductive, tone- right beside Penguin's ear, and a kiss on Peng's deep pink cheek. His hand touched Penguin's jumpsuit zipper… and I swear…

"Ugh!" I yelled and threw my notes to the floor. "Seriously, guys. Gross. Totally gross. You guys are pirates. What the hell with all of this lovey dovey shit?"

I turned around, feeling heat surfacing on the skin of my face and I glared at Bepo, who seemed shocked and confused. Great, now I'm staining his sexual innocence for nothing. Captain is gonna kill me.

"Bepo, close your eyes! And let's go!" I yelled, stomping my feet just to let out my . That bastard is playing dirty. Literally and figuratively but that blond, metal masked bastard will soon learn that I'm not a quitter.

It took almost all night, and a few headaches from overthinking it to finally come up with a better plan to separate Penguin and his buff boyfriend. I yawned as I walked outside The Polar Tang, grabbing a cup of coffee with heavy dose of milk because black coffee's captain's thing. I was so, so ready to be Casquette the Journalist again when I saw a certain Penguin-hatted guy limping on the deck.

I really don't want to know, or think of why.

"Yo," he greeted as he reached me. His eyes pointing at the coffee cup. "Can I have some?"

"No."

Penguin snatched the mug from my hand. Whoa, quick as ever. "You have to. It's because of you that I'm here this morning," he grumbled as he sipped the coffee that I spent 10 minutes making. Upon hearing his words, I had to prevent myself from fighting for the coffee and decided to listen. "Anyway, might not be able to swim and pub-crawl in my state, but I'm totally free today."

My ears perked up when I heard it. "What?" I asked, happiness rising in my chest like the sun. "You? Free? How can that metal face let you go?"

Penguin smiled a bit, adjusting his hat and showing me one of his ice-blue eyes. "Well, let's just say that your plan yesterday succeed," he said.

"I don't believe you. I lost , if you don't remember."

"But it made Killer think that maybe he's keeping me to himself too much, I can't be with my friends," he said. "So yeah, he thought that maybe he can leave to take care of stuff for his ship, while… Well, I can hang with you."

At that, I lighten up and slapped his shoulder. "Dude!" I yelled. "For real?"

Penguin shrugged. "Don't act like you didn't ask for this, you cunning little shit," he smiled. "But yeah, for real."

I smiled, before suddenly I remember something and my happiness all drained away from me in an instant. Damn. Damn. Damn.

Penguin, being a best bro he is, noticed the change in my mood. "What?" he asked. "You have another plan?"

"Yeah, and it was ruined," I sighed. "I was up all night planning revenge on your stupid boyfriend, but since he let you go today, my perfect, upgraded plan to separate you two and have you to hang out with me just got ruined," I laid my back to the nearest wall. "So I pulled an all-nighter for nothing. Damn."

Penguin scowled. "You… were planning for what?"

Before I could even defend myself or before Penguin yelled at me for doing such evil thing, we heard a door open in the quiet morning, followed by a silhouette of a mushroom-like head on Eustass' ship. His hand holding something that we presume as a cup of coffee. Penguin and I turned our heads to each other, grinning and wiggling our eyebrows.

It's bro time again. Finally.

Hi, my name is Shachi.

Before you make any lame jokes, no, I'm not a whale. I'm a human. That's why I can walk. And no, I don't hide any fat inside my jump suit. I'm pretty lean guy actually. Also, no, this hat is not a joke for my name. You're just jealous because you can't have a cap that symbolizes your name. But yes, I can swim very well, even in the deep ocean. I'm a member of the Heart Pirates. Our captain is totally cool. Even if he's most likely will be the main reason of my death. Especially because of this thing I'm gonna pull with my best friend, Penguin...


End file.
